Love seeing everyone’s babies on Facebook, strange, though, to see people lives from my past (way back and recent alike) changing so drastically while mine changes in such a drastically different way. At least it feels to me as though it’s that different. OR, maybe it’s all the same but who cares about that theory really. 

Getting older is all it is; moving past phases of life that led us to the ones that we’re in now, hopefully remembering and applying what we’ve learned on the way to make each next one a bit better. And while phases can shift in a moment, I think it’s best that we love the ones we’re in and if you don’t then you change it.

Love is filling me up.

Physics interests me none at all, which makes physics class really difficult to get through.

Coach Montgomery (the tiniest and slowest “speeched” little football assistant you’ve ever envisioned) taught me in the high school version of physical phenomena studies that physics is lame, football is cool! This did not bother me at all back in the day, as sports was kindof my thing anyway and usually he spent the period talking to me and this joke of a guy in my class about applying for athletic scholarships way out of our range. All I heard was blah blah, which is what I would have also heard if he was talking about vectors, magnitude and power which is kindof the same as energy but only in a sense…??? Which is what I hear now when the little Matisyahu impersonator who is my current physics instructor speaks.

Therefore, lets just accept that the very factual, non-questionable subjects of science repel my intellect and brain functions. I just don’t see how there could be so many consistencies in existence when everything else people teach and talk about is open for insight or opinion; or at least that’s my opinion. Maybe I just don’t find it interesting, or all the closed mindedness makes my stomach hurt, hm. 

This makes me miss my english classes, with the hidden meanings and all the options for conspiracies and such. Reading and picking apart a novel is just as much a problem as a math equation, but more like a boulder problem in that there’s not a set way to solve it. It’s open to perspective rather than being right or wrong. But how can you make money with hidden meanings? Besides teaching them, or the possibilities of them, to somebody else. I mean I can’t be THE omg it’s Nathan Steele! simply because I can’t adjoin inspiration with personal growth with this lack of understanding of all things climbing I possess. (Shout out to a good friend Nate who has made a name for himself in the beautiful world of rocks! If you’re in Atlanta and need to learn how to climb go to his gym(s).)What is the field I’m supposed to be in? I want to know.

Sidenote: Physics is just an pre-req to Physical Therapy. It humors me thinking of the classes that follow. 

The idea of individuality has been on my mind a lot lately, not in the sense of what makes one who they are but more of a bigger scale. Such as how life plays out and other people’s influences, or better yet lack thereof, and family and passions. And how all these things listed stack and blend to eventually build up what you see as reality or truth, and hopefully in addition is happiness, and how you figure out what happiness is for you, as an individual. 

My main thought here that motivates me to write, despite my neglected cigarette ashing in my keyboard, is that I’ve found a happiness that was totally unexpected and in my past theories unattainable, even foolish! Love is my thought, of course, which typing out reminds me how my infant through twenty-and-a-half year old self would ridicule and deem this entry and its writer mindlessly misguided. But I mean what else can I say? Screw feminism (also something i would have considered misguided). Screw my past self. 

Back to my beginning theory, happiness is a conglomeration of totally different things for each individual. One person can be a feminist, or a motivated careerist, etc. (basically any lifestyle that works best in solitude), and the other can be a housewife or a stay at home dad, or even one of those freaky Amish families with thirteen and a half kids living on a cat infested topaz farm in Utah. Point being DON’T want something somebody else has because it makes them happy-you’ve got your own version, just like I’ve got mine. I’ve got certain things going for me because of the stable relationship I have, and others have different things going for them because they don’t. This world is just a huge damn circle, but it works! Roll with it.